More to Life Than This Read online

  Kate shrugged. ‘As you can tell, I’m not a woman of the world,’ she said candidly.

  He leaned forward, watching her closely but not in a lecherous way. ‘That’s part of the attraction,’ he said.

  Attraction! Kate felt a renewed red-wine flush gallop to her cheeks. Wasn’t this where she was supposed to give a tinkling laugh, look coquettish and come back with some sparkling repartee? She was out of her depth with this. ‘I think I’d better check on Sonia.’ She stood up hastily.

  Ben stood, too. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I’ve embarrassed you.’

  ‘No. No. Not at all.’ Kate’s skirt swished against her wine-glass, knocking it over. A blood-red stain seeped across the white linen tablecloth. ‘Now look what I’ve done.’ She felt everyone was turning to watch her.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Ben soothed. ‘I’ll clear it up. Please, sit down again. Have some dessert. How about some coffee?’

  ‘No. Look—I have to ring home. They’re expecting me.’

  ‘Don’t rush away,’ Ben pleaded.

  ‘My goodness, is that the time? They’ll be worried about me.’ She turned and fled from the dining room, serviette still tucked in the waistband of her skirt.

  chapter 14

  Jeffrey wasn’t at all worried about her. In fact, he sounded as though he couldn’t wait to get her off the phone.

  ‘Was the spaghetti Bolognese good?’ she asked.

  ‘Fine.’

  Clearly, he was still smarting about being lumbered with Natalie.

  ‘Is she a good cook?’

  ‘She has her own individual style.’

  ‘Can I speak to the children?’

  ‘They’re in bed.’

  ‘Already?’ Kate frowned at her watch. It wasn’t yet ten o’ clock. They never went to bed before ten.

  ‘They were tired.’

  ‘Are they ill?’

  ‘No. Just tired.’

  ‘Is everything all right?’ Kate could tell he was being cagey. She just couldn’t tell why.

  ‘Yes. Fine.’ It wasn’t, you didn’t have to be Einstein to work that one out.

  ‘Is everything at work okay?’

  ‘Same as usual. How’s the T’ai Chi?’ Jeffrey asked finally.

  ‘It’s okay,’ she said. ‘Harder than I thought.’

  ‘Are there some nice people on the course?’

  ‘Yes.’ It was her turn to be cagey.

  ‘I’m glad.’ She heard Jeffrey sigh. ‘I’d better go, we’ve still got to clear up after dinner.’

  Clear up after dinner? Kate checked her watch again. Why hadn’t Natalie cleared up straight after they’d finished eating? She always did. Kate held her breath. She wouldn’t fuss. If there were dirty dinner plates on the table at this late hour, what did it matter to her? At least it meant they had all been fed.

  ‘I’ll speak to you tomorrow,’ he said.

  ‘Goodnight.’

  ‘Goodnight.’

  ‘I love you, Jeff—’ The phone had already gone dead. ‘—rey.’

  Kate replaced the receiver and the empty click echoed round her bedroom. The television was blaring away in the next room, but she felt cut off, isolated. What on earth was she doing here? She should be at home where she was needed and had a role to play. If she’d felt like a square peg in a round hole at home, this was even worse. She’d made a fool of herself with Ben, who was probably only indulging in a harmless bit of flirtation. It was probably something he did every day of the week, particularly with the line of work he was in. Sonia would be very proud of her.

  We’ve got to clear up after dinner. Not I’ve got to clear up after dinner. Jeffrey had said that the children were in bed, so the other part of the we could only be Natalie. Kate stared hard at the rag-rolled wall of her small bedroom. It had been done in a rush and there were uneven patches that made it look just blotchy rather than a designer effect. So what was the awesome Australian au pair still doing in Acacia Close at this time of night? That really was devotion above and beyond the call of duty.

  chapter 15

  They were standing in front of the priory on Tuesday morning—another scorching summer’s day—circling their hips, following the languid rhythm of the ever-cheerful Sam and Guy, a few wisps of clouds sauntering across an otherwise unbroken blue sky.

  Kate felt shattered. She’d hardly slept a wink in her cramped, hard single bed, tossing and turning, trying to fathom out exactly what was wrong with her life. It would probably have been more comfortable if she’d laid out flat on her ironing board. Which took her mind back to Natalie. Tuesday was ironing day on the rota and Kate wondered how she would fare with a laundry basket full of school shirts and blouses and sensible white knickers. She hoped that Natalie would iron the tea towels properly and wouldn’t simply fold them and stick them in the drawer.

  Why was she feeling so jumpy? It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Jeffrey—he didn’t have a deceitful bone in his body. One of the qualities she admired most in him was his loyalty. But he had sounded ever so strange last night.

  Her back was stiff and creaking nearly as much as her knees, but she was starting to loosen up under the guidance of the instructors. Kate had always thought that she was quite fit, but T’ai Chi was reaching the places where step aerobics feared to go. Ben had smiled at her this morning before the class started, but hadn’t come over to speak to her and Sonia. He probably thought she was a complete idiot now anyway. Or a saddo, as Kerry would have said. Perhaps that’s why she was feeling so wobbly. She’d been revelling in his attention far more than she ought to. After all these years with Jeffrey, how could she let her head be so easily turned by a bit of meaningless flirting?

  ‘Did you sleep well?’ she whispered to Sonia.

  ‘No,’ her friend whined back. ‘I spent all night dreaming that I had a big bum. It was so depressing.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because when I woke up, it was true.’

  On cue they stopped their synchronised hip wiggling. ‘Now that you’ve been introduced to some of the basics, during the course of this week,’ Guy said, ‘we also want you to concentrate on the essence of the white crane. In China, this graceful bird signifies good fortune, harmony, calmness and beauty. It has strength, dignity and integration. Concentrate on that when you are doing your T’ai Chi this week and see where it takes you,’ he suggested.

  ‘I’d like to concentrate on him and see where that takes me.’ Sonia gave her a wink.

  ‘Behave,’ Kate laughed. ‘This is meant to be serious.’

  ‘Yeah, like horoscopes and crystal balls.’

  ‘There is a movement in the T’ai Chi form called White Crane Spreads Its Wings and we’re going to try to get the spirit of that by practising a white crane animal play,’ Sam said.’ just follow us.’

  ‘To the ends of the earth,’ Sonia breathed.’

  ‘Stand firmly, feet together. Now bend one leg and lift the foot to knee height,’ Sam instructed. ‘Hold it there. This is Crane stance. Now raise the arms, palms upward, open to the sky, a wide sweeping movement. Majestic. Imagine the powerful beating of the wings of a beautiful white crane. Turn the palms and lower your arms…at the same time bend the standing leg and lower the raised one.’

  Kate wobbled alarmingly.

  Sam smiled encouragingly. ‘Now we’ll repeat that on the other side. Slowly. Rhythmically.’

  Kate felt more like a scruffy old crow. Standing on one leg was never as easy as it looked. It was all a question of balance—something that was difficult to achieve without effort. She frowned herself into position.

  ‘Relax the face.’

  Was he looking directly at her?

  ‘One more time,’ Sam urged, looking for all his worth exactly like a magnificent crane in flight. Bastard, Kate thought. ‘Half close the eyes and gaze into the distance, across the fields. Pretend that you’re flying effortlessly through the air, carried by gentle thermals. Light, unfettered.’

  She tried
a few more tentative flaps. Heavy and dismally fettered.

  ‘Keep it going,’ Sam urged. ‘Are you flying yet?’ He flapped his arms gracefully. ‘You may not feel it instantly—sometimes it requires a leap of faith to believe that you can do it.’

  Kate glanced round. Everyone else looked as if they were flying through the air. She was grounded. Rooted steadfastly to the floor. Stuck.

  ‘And let your arms come gently to rest by your sides,’ Sam instructed. ‘Stand quietly for a moment. See how that feels inside. What are the emotions?’

  Disappointment. Disappointment that I can’t move forward. Disappointment that I can’t even do something as simple as pretending to be a bloody bird for ten minutes!

  ‘Let’s finish there,’ Sam said. ‘Turn the body gently from side to side. Ease out all the kinks.’ He beamed encouragingly. ‘Go and have a nice cup of tea. Sit quietly for a few minutes.’

  Sit quietly—with Sonia? Some hope.

  ‘I think it’s your turn to get the tea today, Katie,’ Sonia said, flinging herself on her back on the grass.

  ‘I did it yesterday,’ Kate reminded her.

  ‘You do it today, then and I’ll do it for the next two,’ she said, shading her eyes against the sun.

  Kate sighed. ‘Biscuits?’

  ‘Is the Pope Catholic?’

  Kate queued up with Sam and Guy who chatted animatedly and seemed indefatigable in their enthusiasm for life. It was a long time since she had felt like that, optimistic and ready to cope with all that life threw at her. Perhaps life’s handfuls got bigger the older you got. Her eyes drifted towards the garden. Ben had taken up residence under his tree again, phone clamped to his ear. He didn’t look as if he’d had any trouble soaring high in the sky. The words ‘high-flyer’ were stamped all over him.

  ‘You look as if you need that cup of tea, my little friend,’ Sonia observed. ‘You seem decidedly peaky this morning.’

  ‘I didn’t sleep very well,’ Kate told her. ‘Apart from the fact that my bed is about as comfortable as a plank studded with two-inch nails, I had a very strange telephone conversation with Jeffrey last night.’

  ‘All my telephone conversations with Tim are strange,’ Sonia puffed. ‘They’re complaining about the lack of variety in their diet. Fish is good for the brain, I told them. It’ll improve your IQ. And heaven knows, Tim’s could do with some improving.’ Her eyes followed Sam and Guy, who emerged from the priory bearing their hard-earned cups of tea. ‘Don’t they make you want to bite the back of your hand every time you see them?’

  ‘No,’ Kate said.

  ‘I wonder if they’d consider a threesome?’ Sonia mused. Kate stared at her, outraged. ‘I can’t believe you’re talking like this. You’re a happily married woman with two lovely children.’

  ‘I think you need to rephrase that.’ Sonia looked at her sanguinely. ‘A married woman with two children. I’m not sure that the children have been lovely since they came out of nappies, and happy is something I was a long time ago. Shortly before I met Tim.’

  Kate put her teacup down on the grass. ‘Well, I hate to disillusion you, but Guy is blissfully happy, is devoted to his wife and has two wonderful children—his words, not mine—and a mortgage the size of Manchester. He has an ageing Labrador called Marmalade and a mad mother to look after and is, probably, kind to all other small furry animals and sundry life forms. It’s quite likely that he doesn’t even stamp on spiders.’

  Sonia huffed, clearly offended. ‘He sounds like a real fun guy!’

  ‘Sam is also deliriously in love and is about to propose to the rather gorgeous blonde Scottish girl with glasses over there.’ Kate helpfully pointed her out.

  Sonia peered disappointedly at the object of Sam’s desire. ‘He needs his eyes tested,’ she granted.

  ‘This means, essentially, that neither of our two instructors is available,’ Kate concluded.

  Her friend wagged a finger knowingly. ‘Show me a man who’ s not up for an illicit fling and I’ll show you a chocolate cake with no calories.’

  Kate toyed with her cup. ‘Are things really so bad between you and Tim that you’d consider an affair?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Seriously?’

  Sonia sat up and hugged her knees. ‘Yes, seriously.’ Her voice sounded small and sad. ‘I feel that I’ve become Invisible Woman. I’ve tried everything, but he never looks at me any more.’

  ‘Isn’t there any romance left?’

  ‘Romance?’ Sonia scratched her chin. ‘Hang on, I’m sure I used to know what that word meant.’

  They both fell on the grass and chortled. Kate noticed that Ben had finished his phone call and was watching them from beneath the shade of his tree.

  Sonia’s voice pulled her back. ‘Don’t you think that Tim and Jeffrey will be ogling the barmaids at the golf club while we’re away?’

  ‘The only things that Jeffrey looks at lustfully these days are golf clubs in the pro shop.’ At least I hope they’re the only things.

  ‘I sometimes wish I played golf,’ Sonia said dreamily. ‘At least I could guarantee getting my hands on a stiff shaft once a week.’

  They sniggered childishly again.

  Kate looked up at the sky. ‘Why did we fall in love with men who are dispassionate about us?’ she asked, plucking absently at the cool grass.

  ‘When did we become dispassionate about ourselves?’ Kate rolled over onto her tummy and sucked a strand of grass. ‘Do you ever fake your orgasms?’ she asked.

  ‘Constantly,’ Sonia admitted.

  ‘Does it fool Tim?’

  ‘No,’ she said thoughtfully, ‘but it sometimes fools me.’

  They both shrieked uproariously.

  ‘Why?’ Sonia asked.

  ‘Oh, nothing.’ Kate brushed the question away. I do. I have to these days.

  Somehow the spark had gone out of her marriage and she wondered if it was possible to ever get it back. Jeffrey had never taken her to dizzy heights of passion. Their love-making had always been quiet and comfortable, years of having the children to consider, she supposed. It had never been adventurous either. They’d never made love outdoors, unless you could count a few exploratory fumblings on the park swings as teenagers. For years she’d subjugated an urge to roll in the breaking surf or frolic naked in a secluded field. Jeffrey was not a natural frolicker. Now he seemed to think they’d had good sex if it started at eleven o’ clock and he could still be asleep by quarter past. The whole thing seemed like such an effort.

  She looked over at Ben who was lying propped against the tree, arms folded, eyes closed, dozing. Why did her heart start vibrating like a pneumatic drill whenever he was less than ten feet away from her? Would making love with Ben seem like a routine chore—just something else to be fitted in around de-stringing green beans and putting down slug pellets? Could she ever consider an affair?

  Kate grinned to herself. It was as ridiculous as it was out of the question. Ben Mahler was probably surrounded by beautiful, switched-on career women every day of the week. What could he possibly see in her—a mousey little housewife, whose last proper job had been as a shorthand typist in a building society thirteen years ago? She thought of Jeffrey, the considerate, intense, serious person she had married. He was a good man. A good, steady man. She should be happy. What would it take for the fireworks to sparkle between them again? Kate knew what Sonia would have said. They both needed a rocket up their backsides.

  chapter 16

  Jeffrey felt terrible about lying to Kate. He couldn’t ever remember doing it before. The children hadn’t been in bed when she’d called last night. They were in the lounge playing Twister with Natalie. Kerry was so excited about having I love Justin on her left buttock that she would have blurted it out to Kate instantly, and there was no way he wanted her to know about the tattoos so early in the week, otherwise she would have jumped in the BMW and high-tailed it back home quicker than you could say adolescent rebellion.

 
It was getting to the end of another dreary day at Hills & Hopeland. The mind was willing, but the flesh was extremely weak, and the out-tray had failed miserably in its quest to keep pace with the in-tray. He knew exactly how many extra weeds there were in the car-park though, and had been enjoying a pleasant day-dream involving running through foamtipped waves hand-in-hand with a lithe blonde beauty who, for the sake of marital harmony, should remain nameless.

  The shrill ringing of the telephone made him jump at the same time as a wave was about to knock him over in his reverie.

  ‘Jeffrey Lewis,’ he said, trying desperately to sound businesslike.

  ‘Daddy?’ Kerry’s voice was tremulous.

  ‘Hello, darling.’ Why was she ringing him at work? He’d be home in half an hour—it was five o’ clock. As the alarm bells started to clang his daughter broke into a racking sob.

  ‘What is it, darling?’ He could feel perspiration breaking out on his forehead. ‘Tell me.’

  ‘I can’t!’

  ‘Why? What’s happened? Has Flopsy died?’ If in doubt run through the names of the family pets.

  ‘I don’t think so.’ There was more sobbing down the phone.

  ‘Then what is it?’

  ‘It hurts, Daddy!’ she wailed pathetically.

  ‘What hurts, poppet? Tell me, please.’

  ‘It hurts! I need you.’

  ‘What have you done? Have you fallen?’

  ‘I can’t tell you.’ Her voice was interspersed by heaving breaths. ‘You’ll be cross.’

  ‘I won’t be cross,’ Jeffrey promised. ‘And where’s Natalie? Why isn’t she with you?’

  ‘She’s not here.’ The crying was becoming hysterical.

  ‘Don’t move,’ he barked. ‘I’m on my way home.’

  He punched his next-door neighbour’s telephone number into the mobile phone as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. ‘Domestic crisis,’ he shouted to the senior partner as he banged the door and raced down the steps to the car-park. It was engaged. Damn Mrs Barrett, she was always on the bloody phone. Where the hell was fucking Natalie when he needed her?