Calling Mrs Christmas Page 23

  The days are woefully short at this time of year. Already the sun is sinking quickly and it’s twilight when we reach the lodge. We all help Jan to feed and settle the dogs for the night, which the children love doing.

  ‘I will see you all in the morning for another treat,’ he says as he waves goodbye to us.

  ‘Yay!’ the children cheer.

  Tomorrow morning we’re going to be trying out snowmobiling – but only I know that. I think of Gaby’s kids, my niece and nephew, Molly and George, who would love it here. Carter’s children really are very privileged and I wonder if they realise just how fortunate they are. Then I remember that their parents are divorcing and that they seem to spend hardly any time with their mum and dad. Molly and George are surrounded constantly by love and I can no more imagine Gaby and Ryan divorcing than I can imagine being accepted on the Mars astronaut programme. They might not have all the material advantages of Carter’s children, but they are lucky in so many other ways.

  We all troop inside to find the wood burner roaring away to welcome us. We go through the ritual of removing all our Arctic clothing that we’ve so quickly become used to. The children sit on the floor while I tug off their boots. I help Carter to shrug off his suit in a businesslike manner, making sure that my hands don’t stray where they shouldn’t.

  The cook has been busy and the delicious smell of our dinner wafts through the lodge. ‘Swedish meatballs with potatoes followed by apple cake and cream,’ she tells us and, immediately, we’re hungry.

  I leave Carter with the children and I go for a shower. Standing under the hot water, I think of Jim for the first time today. I wonder if he is missing me and decide, despite our squabble, that he probably is. I’ve been away from home only for a day, but already it feels like a lifetime away and that worries me more than I can say. Carter’s world is so different from mine and so exciting. I wish I could call Jim right now, reconnect, and then I might feel differently.

  When I go back into the living room, all the candles have been lit. Carter is sitting at the table, playing ludo with Eve and Max, who have stripped down to their thermal underwear. I make sure that our clothes are hanging up to dry and then set the table for the cook. I nip into the children’s bedrooms and put their pyjamas to warm on the radiator. When dinner’s ready, I call them over and we all tuck in.

  ‘Daddy is excellent at board games,’ Eve says. ‘He beat us both.’

  He laughs and gives me a sheepish look. ‘Can’t help it,’ he confides. ‘Competitive to the last.’ Then he claps his hands and turns to the children. ‘Ready for another sound thrashing before bedtime?’

  ‘Yay!’ they shout and rush towards the board game again.

  Smiling, I tut at him and, again, help out with the clearing up. Perhaps if I do as many chores as I can, I’ll remember why I’m really here, instead of feeling like I’m part of the family.

  I glance over at Carter and the children. Eve is so pretty. She’s going to be a heartbreaker just like her mother, I suspect. Max is boisterous, straightforward like most boys. But they are both bright, articulate and unfailingly polite. If I’d raised kids like that, privileged or not, I’d be very proud of myself.

  When the cook has finished for the night and leaves, I join them at the table. ‘Who’s winning now?’

  ‘Daddy,’ they both chorus in a disgruntled manner.

  ‘These two sleepyheads are ready for their beds,’ Carter says.

  ‘We are so not, Daddy.’ Eve yawns.

  ‘Say goodnight to Cassie,’ he instructs.

  ‘Come and tuck us in again,’ Eve begs me. ‘It’s nice.’

  I look to Carter for approval and he nods. So we both go through to their bedroom where I help Eve to get undressed and into her warm pyjamas while Carter sees to Max.

  ‘Can you brush my hair, please?’ she says. ‘I like Mummy to do it.’

  So, feeling very honoured, I take up her Hello Kitty hairbrush and Eve sits perfectly still while I smooth the tangles out of her long, blonde hair. Then she hops into bed and I tuck the duvet round her.

  ‘Night night,’ I say. ‘See you in the morning. Sleep well.’

  Carter has put Max into bed and I kiss him too. Then we leave them to sleep, again leaving the door open to the living room so that they can still enjoy the flickering warmth of the fire and the glow of the candlelight.

  ‘Wine?’ Carter says. ‘I think we deserve some.’

  ‘Hmm, sounds good. I’m starting to ache now from my extreme dog-sledding.’

  He pours me out a glass of red wine and hands it over. ‘Then I have an even better idea,’ Carter says. ‘There’s a hot tub on our front porch that would be the perfect antidote to aching muscles.’

  ‘Er…’ I have, in fact, brought my bikini for this very moment but now that it’s here, I feel suddenly shy.

  ‘I think it would be positively rude not to use it,’ he stresses.

  Oh, it does sound good. I can almost feel myself sinking into that relaxing hot water. But do I want to do it while scantily clothed with my far-too-handsome client?

  ‘What about the children?’

  ‘We’ll be just a few feet away from them on the porch. They’ll be fine. Come on, Cassie,’ he cajoles. ‘It will be fun.’

  But that, I’m afraid, is exactly what I’m worried about.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  In the bedroom, I change into my bikini. I sit on the edge of the bed and wonder where Jim is now. How I wish that I could ring him, just hear his voice. But it’s not to be. The only downside of the wilderness is that it is, indeed, a long way from anywhere, or anyone.

  Instead, I wrap myself tightly in the fluffy robe that’s hanging on the back of the door, grab a couple of towels and head out to the hot tub. Thank goodness it’s only a few steps from the front door as the temperature has plummeted dramatically out here. A quick look at the thermometer tells me that it’s a cool minus twenty-five and I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere so cold before. I’ll have to make sure that the children are well wrapped up tomorrow.

  Carter is nowhere in sight, so I quickly slip off my robe and climb the steps into the hot tub. This feels like a very intimate thing to do with someone I hardly know and I’m still questioning the wisdom of it. Despite the indecision in my head, I’m already lowering myself into the gently bubbling water when Carter appears. Too late to change my mind now.

  Carter has eschewed the fluffy robe and has gone for the towel-low-slung-round-the-hips option. ‘Wow,’ he says. ‘It’s cold out here.’

  ‘Jump in quickly,’ I tell him. ‘The water’s lovely and warm.’

  He’s carrying our wine and he hands my glass to me. I put it on the special tray cut into the side of the hot tub. When he’s set down his own glass, he strips off his towel. I can tell that he puts the gym in Randall Court to good use. He has a fine, firm body. Strong legs, broad shoulders and abs that are still well defined. His black swim trunks emphasise his narrow hips. I’m so glad that I got in here first and am now up to my chest in water with no bits of flesh showing. It’s not that I’m ashamed of my body. It’s a bit on the curvy side for my liking, but in reasonably good shape and has served me well. If it was Jim and me jumping in here, I’d have no qualms. But I haven’t been this close to another man in years. So long ago, in fact, that I can’t even remember it. I’m acutely aware of my own body and his.

  Carter lowers himself into the water, taking the seat next to me. ‘Ah, bliss.’

  The hot tub faces outwards from the lodge, giving us a fantastic view over the tops of the fir trees. The moon is full and high; the stars are out in abundance. I can feel my stress seeping out of me. My muscles, gently massaged by the water, are slowly unknotting.

  We both sit and stare out into the wilderness, not speaking. The silence of the night and the remoteness of the landscape is overwhelming and I think we’re both happy just to drink it in. This is more intoxicating than any alcohol.

  Eventually, Carter
turns to me. ‘I’m glad you came with us, Cassie Christmas. Everything so far has been fantastic. The children adore you.’

  ‘They’re great kids,’ I tell him honestly. ‘You must be very proud of them.’

  ‘They’re my life,’ he says, then laughs without humour. ‘Or they should be. It’s only when I’ve spent time with them, as I have today, that I realise how little I engage with them. Even when I’m at home with them, I’m always attached to my phone or iPad. There’s always something pressing to deal with from the office. If I’m honest with myself, I never really give them my full attention. Having a great day like today has made me see that.’

  ‘Surely you’re at a stage in your business where you could ease off a bit if you wanted to.’

  ‘I could,’ he says. ‘Theoretically. You never do, though. There’s always another challenge to conquer. Once you get gripped by it, Cassie, it never lets you go.’

  ‘The office seems to be managing all right without you while you’re here.’

  ‘But we don’t know that, do we? One of my manufacturing plants could be burning down as we speak and I wouldn’t know.’ He laughs and takes a swig of his wine. ‘Now I’m making myself panic.’

  ‘Your children are young only for such a small amount of time,’ I say. ‘Blink and you’ll miss it.’

  ‘It wouldn’t be quite so bad if it was just me,’ he admits with a sigh. ‘But Tamara is never around for them either. She’s completely embroiled in her company too. When you get so big, a lot of people depend on you for their living. It’s hard to let them down.’

  ‘Easier to let down your children?’

  ‘You never think you’re doing that, do you?’ he says. ‘They go to one of the top schools in the country. They have everything money can buy.’ Carter looks across at me. ‘I thought that I was giving them the best in life. This trip has shown me that what they really want is me to be around. They want me to chase them and play board games with them and tuck them in at night.’

  ‘Kids have very simple desires.’

  ‘You seem to know a lot about them,’ Carter notes.

  ‘Only through my sister’s children. I adore my niece and nephew and, thankfully, Gaby and I are very close. I see them as much as I can. Virtually every day.’

  ‘Yet you have none of your own.’

  ‘I hope it won’t be the case for long,’ I confess. ‘Jim and I would both love kids. The stark reality, though, is that we were both working in jobs that aren’t highly paid. While I was unemployed, we were barely able to pay our rent and our bills.’

  ‘I can’t imagine how that must feel.’

  ‘No.’ How could he understand? ‘There’s not much left to spare. Jim and I were saving up to get married and have a family but then – out of the blue – I lost my job. I had no income for the best part of a year and Jim’s salary isn’t enough for two to live on.’ I can’t even begin to tell Carter what we owe on our credit cards and that’s not been spent on luxuries, it’s racked up simply from day-to-day living. ‘So we’ve had to put our plans on hold.’

  And I don’t know for how long. I’m thirty-five now and well aware that my time is running out. Let’s face it, if I’d been with someone as rich as Carter, I’d have half a dozen children by now. The thought makes me flush.

  ‘I realise that I have a very blessed life,’ Carter admits.

  ‘You do,’ I agree. ‘But then you work for it. You’ve made sacrifices for your wealth.’

  It seems ridiculous to admit that Jim and I have put off having children simply because we can’t afford them. Can anyone? If all you thought about were the finances involved, then you’d probably never do it. It’s just that I want my children to be comfortable, not on the scale of Carter’s two, but not to struggle for the basics, the way my mum had to with Gaby and me. My abiding memory of childhood is being cold and there never being quite enough to eat. I couldn’t put my own children through that.

  ‘Do you think my marriage has crumbled because we were both too busy chasing money rather than happiness?’ Carter asks.

  ‘I don’t know, Carter. You and Tamara are the only ones who can unpick what’s gone on behind your bedroom door. I think happiness comes from both wanting the same things, having the same goals. When that doesn’t suit one person in the relationship, that’s when it starts to fall apart.’

  ‘I think Tamara and I always pulled against each other rather than working together.’

  ‘Do you think it’s really over?’

  ‘Our divorce lawyers would say so,’ he concludes. ‘I’ve tried to make it right with Tamara but, emotionally, she left the marriage some time ago. Now all I can do is try to reach an amicable settlement, but it’s taking a long time.’ His weary exhalation of breath floats into the air as a little cloud of steam. I manage to stop myself from reaching up to touch it. ‘I loved her madly, you know. We always had a very passionate relationship.’

  From that I gather they were at it all night, every night.

  ‘But what do you do when the passion dissipates and there’s nothing left in its place? Tamara and I can never be friends. We were always either having sex or at war. Not much in between.’

  ‘That’s sad.’

  I think of Jim and me, who make excellent friends, but have we ever really had passion like that? Is that a better recipe for a relationship? Perhaps the daily grind of our lives has managed to erode any chance of sparks flying every night.

  ‘All I can do now is focus on the children. I want them to suffer as little as possible.’ He looks incredibly sad. ‘Though I’m beginning to realise that it’s probably impossible to protect them completely.’

  ‘You’re doing your best,’ I reassure him. ‘It’s clear that they both love you very much.’

  ‘They do,’ he says. ‘I’m so lucky. I want to do more for them. I want to give them more of me.’

  ‘Well, we’ve got two more days here for you to enjoy,’ I remind him. ‘You can’t get better quality time than this.’

  He puts his arm across the back of the hot tub and leans towards me. ‘I could never talk to Tamara like this,’ he says. ‘Perhaps that’s another piece of the puzzle. I hardly know you and yet I can chat to you as if you’re an old friend. You’re very easy company to be with, Cassie Christmas.’

  ‘You are too, Carter.’ There’s a tightness in my throat when I say, ‘I’m glad that I could be here.’

  We’re close. So close. The breath from our mouths mingles and caresses in the air. He looks as if he might reach up to touch my face. Then what would I do? His dark eyes are sad, soulful, and I want to see them happy again. If he drew me to him and kissed me now, would I resist?

  Instead of touching my face, his hand clasps his glass and he knocks back his wine. ‘This is a marvellous place.’ His voice sounds shaky.

  My throat is almost closed, but I manage to find one word. ‘Yes.’

  Then we exchange a nervous smile and together we turn to stare out at the all-encompassing sky, both lost in our own thoughts.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  ‘Right,’ Jim said. ‘This is it.’ He double-checked the address. This was, sure enough, Randall Court. Bloody hell.

  He turned to Rozzer sitting next to him in the car and Smudge who was in the back seat, both with their mouths dropping open. Rozzer was the first to speak. ‘We’re doing this place?’

  ‘Looks like it,’ Jim said and, for the first time, realised why Cassie had been so keen to keep Carter Randall on board as a client. Even though he knew Carter was a millionaire, he’d never imagined a gaff as palatial as this.

  Jim put the car into gear and coasted up the sweeping drive. He had called ahead to see if it was all right if they came in to finish off some of the decorations in Cassie’s absence. Carter Randall’s personal assistant had assured him that it would be. Now he was wondering if it was a good idea after all. He’d just wanted to help out, but suddenly he felt hopelessly out of his depth.

  Rozzer
was holding the pad with Cassie’s list of jobs to be done. Jim had checked it thoroughly the previous night and had made sure that they’d got all the right stuff in the boot of the car. However, the jobs that were left to do required a level of artistry that he wasn’t sure he had. No, that he was absolutely certain he didn’t have.

  There was still no contact, no news from Cassie. He hoped that wasn’t a bad sign, but he was still checking his phone every five minutes – just in case. He was missing her more than he could possibly have imagined and, in some ways, it was a good thing that there was a stack of tasks he could throw himself into while she was gone.

  He’d had the lads round to the flat the night before and they’d all huddled round the computer in the spare room to watch tutorial videos on YouTube, just as Cassie did. At the time he’d felt confident that they could pull it off. Now, in the face of it, his self-belief was turning rapidly to nerves. Could they really do it? Women had a natural flair for these things, didn’t they? He wasn’t sure that a prison officer and two young offenders would make such a marvellous job of the floristry that they’d intended to tackle. Jim was sure that the last thing that any of them had expected to do when they signed up for this was to be making flower arrangements. The lads had come a long way and their capacity for attempting embarrassing things was increasing all the time. They seemed to think that if they could cut it dressed as elves, then they could do anything. It was fair to say that they’d all made a decent stab at some practice pieces – Jim was pleasantly surprised at the quality – but would that translate to the real thing? They’d find out soon enough.